10.29.2020
I STILL HAVE LOTS TO FINISH
PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME
IF IT'S BECAUSE I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON. I UNDERSTAND. ACTUALLY.
please don't see me as only the horrible things ive done before. i was being dramatic.
IF YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT SOMETHING right now. HERE YOU GO!
IT'S A "SONG". SANG BY THAT GIRL. HAPPY NOW?
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11.2.2020
RECENTLY, I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT.
WHY DID I CHOOSE TO BE HERE??? WHY DID I WANT TO BE IN THIS PLACE???
I PROBABLY WON'T LIVE MUCH LONGER. AND I'M SCARED. I'M SHAKING.
MY GUITAR IS BROKEN NOW. MAYBE A LITTLE MORE INJECTIONS WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.
m
BUT HERE'S A GREAT SONG I REMEMBERED FROM A MUSICAL MOVIE!!!
MUSIC IS ALWAYS THERE TO CHEER YOU UP. AND I HAVE SACRIFICED SO MUCH FOR THIS PASSION. IT'S LIKE MY PERSONAL LITTLE PISTACHIOS!♡♡♡
SORRY IT DIDN'T FIT WITH THE PURPLE KIDCORE COLOR SCHEME. CAN'T CHANGE IT.
I HOPE YOU CAN LISTEN TO IT. IF YOU CAN'T LISTEN TO THE FULL SONG, SEARCH "IT'S A FINE LIFE". VERY GOOD SONG FROM A VERY GOOD MUSICAL MOVIE NAMED "OLIVER TWIST". IT'S KIND OF DARK, SO GET YOURSELF PREPARED. NANCY REMINDED ME OF MY WIFE.
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11.4.2020
THAT FOUR-EYED BRAT HAS BEEN STUMBLING AROUND RECENTLY. I CAN'T TALK TO HER. SHE DOESN'T LISTEN. I CAN'T COMMUNICATE WITH BODY LANGUAGE. MY BODY IS TIED UP--- NOT LITERALLY, BUT I CAN'T MOVE ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THAN MY HANDS. CRAWLING IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. I CAN'T EVEN FEEL MY FINGERS. ALTHOUGH THEY ARE MOVING, I CAN'T SEE OR FEEL THEM. IT'S HORRIBLE.
HER HEAD HASN'T BEEN GROWING ANYMORE. INSTEAD, IT'S THE OPPISITE. THE SWELLING IS FADING. OK.
I THOUGHT MX. THEODORE CAUGHT AND TOOK HER 2 DAYS AGO. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY SHE WAS HERE, WALKING AROUND. BUT SHE WENT AWAY, 5 HOURS AGO, WHEN IT WAS STILL NIGHT. SHE IS HOLDING A BUNDLE OF THINGS WHEN WALKING, AND SLOWLY DROPPING THEM STEP BY STEP. I CAN'T SEE CLEARLY, BUT IT DOES MAKE LOUD SOUNDS WHEN SHE DROPS THEM. IT'S VERY DISTRUPTING THOUGH. 'CAUSE FUCK, I WAS TRYING TO SLEEP.
I DO NOT KNOW WHY MX. THEODORE DIDN'T DECIDE TO KEEP HER. FOR THE EXPERIMENT. BUT AT LEAST SHE'S NOT BECOMING ANYTHING CREEPIER THAN SHE ALREADY IS.
I WISHED SOMEONE WOULD TALK TO ME... I WISH I CAN GO HOME...
"BUT HERE'S SOME MORE SONGS. IT'S FROM A MUSICAL, INSPIRED BY THE CLASSIC, "NOTRE DAME DE PARIS." I HEARD THAT THE ACTUAL BUILDING BURNED DOWN A YEAR AGO. MADE ME PRETTY SAD.
LIKE THE OTHER SONG.. IF YOU CAN'T PLAY IT, SEARCH "BELLE NOTRE DAME DE PARIS" ONLINE. YOU'LL FIND IT!
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11.8.2020
☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️
AHHA EEE EHUHAHHEHUAEUEUEUEUUEUEEE EEE EEE EEE E SSESE
I'M LONELY. ☹️
PLEASE PICK ME UP TODAY. YOU TOLD ME I'M GOING TO BE EXECUTED. BUT WHEN? YOU AREN'T TELLING ME! 😢
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11.9.2020
no.
oh no. oh no oh no oh dear god oh god.
calm down Clay calm down calm down ok its going to be fine Clay calm down calm down.
everything is going to be alright Clay dont overthink Clay remember that i love you and will love you no matter what, Clay.
youre a brave and confident man, you can handle through this Clay.
you dont have to stress out Clay breathe in breathe out.
man do get negative emotion Clay but you dont have to care about them all the time Clay.
im with you Clay its fine Clay dont worry Clay alright Clay its alright its fine its okay its alright Clay strengthen up its alright it fine its ok Clay its fine Clay its fine Clay its fine Clay.
I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT. I DON'T!! I DON'T OK!? I DON'T! I DON'T WANT THIS. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS. I DON'T WANT TO!!! IT HURTS!! IT HURTS!!! IT HURTS!!! IT HURTS MY HEAD!!! I JUST WANT TO BE EXECUTED NOW. I JUST WANT TO BE EXECUTED. I JUST WANT TO BE EXECUTED. I JUST WANT TO BE EXECUTED. STOP KEEPING ME HERE IT HURTS IT HURTS. IT HURTS. IT HURTS MY EYES. I'M GOING TO GO BLIND BECAUSE OF ALL THIS CRYING NONSENSE. MY TEARS ARE HURTING THE SKIN OF MY FACE. I'M SCRATCHING MY HAND SO HARD THE FLUID IS COMING OUT. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP PLEASE!! MAKE IT STOP!!!😢😢😢😢😢
MAKE IT STOP!!!! 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
EE EE E E UGH UUUUU UGUG
I'M PANICKING. I'M PANICKING RIGHT NOW. I'M PANICKING. MY HANDDHS. THEY. CAN'T RECORD ANYTHING ANYMORE. HELP. HELp.
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11.10.2020
I FEEL A LOT BETTER TODAY. WHICH IS.. GOOD!
I TRIED WANDERING AROUND. BUT I'M STILL INCREDIBLY USELESS..
BUT STILL, I WOULD RATHER DROWN THAN TO STAY HERE.
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11.11.2020
BUT- B. BUT B
BUT B-
😭😭😭😭😭😭
YESTERDAY WAS A TEMPORARY RECESS.
I WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME. I WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.
I WANT TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH OF A HORRIBLE PERSON I AM.
PLEASE TALK WITH ME. TALK TO ME HERE.
I MISS MARCIE. I MISS MY MY DAD. I MISS MY GUITAR. AND I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THAT ANYMORE.😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
AT LEAST TODAY WASN'T AS BAD AS THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY. I JUST CAN'T CONTROL MY THOUGHTS ANYMORE. I'M IN SUCH A HELPLESS POSITION. I WANT TO GO IN DETAIL, BUT I CAN'T. I CAN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING...
11.12.2020
Wait- SHIT NO NO NO.
I MISSED IT. I MISSED IT. I CAN'T GO BACK TO CELEBRATE IT. I MISSED IT. I MISSED IT. CAN T GOO BACK TO CELEBRATE WI TH H. I MISSED IT. I MISS SED I T. I MMMM ISSSD. I MISSEEDD ITT. I
WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN， WHY DOES THISBBAVE TO HAPPEN OH MY GOD. I HATE IT HERE.
THEE THE TH E THHE TH GO HOME.
n nn n no no a
😭😢😭😢😭😢 FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
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8:19 PM UPDATE: I FOUND PEANUTS ON THE GROUND.
I STILL WANT SOMEONE TO FIND ME, THOUGH.
REWATCHED "ALL SHOOK UP". AND IT JUST MADE ME FELt WORSE.
HAD TO COVER MY EYES WHEN LISTENING TO SOME PARTS.
I FORCED MYSELF TO WATCH ALL OF IT. IT'S A PUNISHMENT FOR ME. CAN ANYONE GET ON THE GUESTBOOK?
BUT-
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11.15.2020
GOOD MORNING FOLKS.
PLEASE TELL ME ANY PLACE SELLS A GUITAR THAT LOOKS LIKE MINE.
I KNOW I PROBABLY WON'T EVER GET OUT OF THE PLACE.
BUT I WANT TO HAVE HOPE.
THANKS!!!
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11.16.2020
I FEEL LIKE VOMITING. I DON'T FEEL HUNGRY, BUT MY STOMACH HURTS SO BAD.
I DON'T FEEL LIKE GETTING FOOD. I DON'T THINK I DESERVE FOOD. I THINK I'M TOO GLORIOUS TO DESERVE JUST FOOD. I THINK I'M TOO HORRIBLE TO DESERVE ANY FOOD.
I THINK I'M DRIFTING OFF.
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WAIT.
I THINK I HEARD SOMEONE.
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9:04 PM UPDATE:
MR. DELLENT CAME TO ME. WE TALKED ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS. MOSTLY ABOUT HOW THE PLAN IS GOING TO WORK OUT. ABOUT HOW MARCIE'S GOING TO BE.
HE GAVE ME SOME PISTACHIOS FOR ME TO EAT. AND A BLANKET. AND BUMPY RUBBER GLOVES.
I CAN PUT ON THESE GLOVES. SO- SO WHEN I FEEL SCRATCH MY HANDS, IT WOULDN'T HARM MY HANDS AS BAD AS WITHOUT.
HE TOLD ME HE FIXED MY UKELELE. THE UKELELE THAT WAS.. BURNT 3 MONTHS AGO. NOT REALLY FIXING IT.. BUT HE RECREATED IT AS BEST AS HE COULD.
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AND HE GAVE IT TO ME.
LIKE THE GUITAR, THE UKELELE WAS A SPECIAL GIFT TO ME YEARS AGO. I THINK IT'S TOO EXCEPTIONAL FOR ME TO TAKE A PICTURE OF IT. SO, I'LL JUST DESCRIBE HOW IT LOOKED LIKE.
IT WAS A BLACK, PLAIN UKELELE. IT WAS REALLY ORDINARY, NOTHING WAS TOO OUT OF PLACE. BUT THEN I REALIZED IT CAME ALONG WITH A SET OF PURPLE NEON STRINGS...
IT WAS SO NICE OF HIM. IT WAS SO NICE OF HIM TO PUT IT BACK TOGETHER. IT WAS SO NICE OF HIM TO HAVE THOUGHT OF ME.
TO HAVE THOUGHT OF ME. AND ME, A TRAITOR.
HE STILL SUCKS THOUGH. BUT THE CHARMING PERSONALITY HE HAS MADE TALKING TO HIM COMFORTING, AT LEAST.
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THANKS TAY, FOR TAKING CARE OF ME.
LIKE A "PARENT" WOULD TO A CHILD.
BUT I GUESS THAT'S WHO I AM, AND THE MOST SUITABLE TREATMENT FOR ME. JUSTIFIABLE.
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BUT I'M FEELING BETTER. MIGHT TAKE TIME TO MAKE DIVIDERS FOR MY BLOG SOMEDAY.
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11.20.2020
I DID IT! HERE'S A DIVIDER. PUT SOME TIME ON IT. HOPE IT MAKES THIS PAGE A BIT MORE AESTHETICALLY PLEASING.
I SUPPOSE I'M IN A GOOD MOOD RIGHT NOW. I DON'T EVEN KNOW. BUT FROM WHAT I DO KNOW, I STILL PUKEA LOT. MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN BEFORE. BUT IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME TOO MUCH. I HAVE TRASH CANS AND PLASTIC BAGS NEAR ME. I'M QUITE A NEAT PERSON. I ALMOST NEVER GET VOMIT STAINED ON MY CLOTHES.
AAAAABABABBABSDKADJKAWLDJALDJWL DJAWJFOIWAJF
MOOSIC MOOSIC MOOSIC MOOSIC. MOOSIC MOOSIC MOOSIC MOOSIC.
WH
WHY DO YOUNGER GENERATIONS ENJOY USING THESE "EMOTICONS" SO MUCH? I DON'T GET IT. I MEAN, I DID USE THESE BEFORE, IT WASN'T INTENTIONAL. I THINK I CHANGED MOST OF THESE TEXTS NOW. EMOTICONS ARE INCREDIBLY STRANGE. I DON'T USE THEM. I DON'T WANT TO USE THEM. I GUESS I HAVE TO. BUT I DON'T WANT TO. BUT I GUESS I HAVE TO. I GUESS I NEED TO. I GUESS THAT'S MORE FITTING FOR ME TO USE THEM. SO I USED THEM. I DIDN'T "FIX" ALL THE EMOTICONS I USED. I DID NOT DELETE ALL OF THEM. DOES THAT MEAN I'M STILL A CHILD? YES. YES I AM. I AM STILL A "CHILD."
:(
THE GLOVES ARE RIPPING APART. I'VE BEEN STRUMMING THE UKELELE TOO HARD. THEY HAVE STRONG STRINGS, THEY NEVER SNAP APART!
GUESS I'LL HAVE TO ASK FOR MORE HAND PROTECTION, HAHA.
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8:19 PM UPDATE (WOW, THE SAME TIME AS BEFORE!):
MR. DELLENT, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU VISITING ME EVERY 3 HOURS. BUT MAY YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING THESE "HAHA! HEHE!" SOUNDS? YOU'RE STILL TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY. THIS I KNOW. BUT I DON'T LIKE IT. I DON'T LIKE IT. I DON'T LIKE HOW THAT'S INFECTING ME. I ALREADY STARTED TO UNCONCIOUSLY TYPE OUT "HAHA!" EVERYTIME I FINISH A SENTENCE ON THIS BLOG. IT'S SCARY, HAHA. :( (THIS IS INTENDED TO BE A JOKE.)
11.23.2020
DOES ANYONE WANT A PICTURE OF MY BLOOD?
I DO NOT FEEL GOOD.
I DON'T FEEL WELL.
I AM SCARED.
12.1.2020
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LIVE?
12.3.2020
There is blood on his hands. I can clearly see his veins. He has been scratching his hand too much. He is vomiting out tears. They are forcing him to watch videos. He will live on, though. I hope he lives and becomes more loyal...
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But I can't do anything. I shouldn't be if I don't want to die...
Why is they so mean to him.
I hate doctors.
~~~Mod Hiyoko
(Also, is this how a divider is put? Just in case... just in case...
WE ARE ONE!!!
LIFE IS FUN!!!
WE GOTTA MAKE THE MOST OF IT! MAKE THE MOST OF IT!
---Mod Mahiru
8:33 update? I think that's how you phrase it?
I have nothing related with that musician. I know him. But I never actually *met* him. I can't meet him, anyway. I'm a failed creation.
Is it fine for me to just add a little rant? Y'know?
My life didn't matter. I feel nothing but pain right now at this second. Horrible people did horrible things to me. And let me be honest, I hate this Winter Camp. I hated it from start to finish.
Ibuki and I are so lonely in this hellhole. Hiyoko please don't make the wrong decision. Please. I will be coming to you very soon.
---Mod Mahiru
12.21.2020
I will wait.. She wants some fun. I'll give it.